In dating is disheartening, The Supremes explained to us that you can't hurry love. Sixteen years later Phil Dihseartening concurred: Those dating is disheartening of wisdom still apply, and particularly so if you're one of those participating in the seemingly eternal worry-go-round of internet dating. The adverts for such services, featuring dishesrtening happy couples pushing each other on swings, would dating is disheartening us believe otherwise.
And we're suckers for all this. When Time Out magazine recently ran a cover story offering free online dating for every reader, it was dangling a huge metaphorical carrot. We all want to be loved, after all. But you rarely hear from those who, having failed to find a partner online, back away from the computer shaking their heads at the way the process distorts social conventions and leaves you slightly shell-shocked.
Those 58, lucky members of match. Yes, anecdotes of hair-raising internet dates have become dinner-party diwheartening — you know, like "he turned up wearing a toolbelt and immediately burst into tears" — and many were collected in a book published earlier this year. But what about the mental strain? The plunge in self-esteem when your ideal partner remains as elusive as a taxi on New Year's Eve?
I have a couple of dating profiles online. It's not going that well. But this isn't therapy masquerading as a self-pitying article dating is disheartening some bloke in his late-thirties — well, not much, anyway. I've got a number of friends and acquaintances who share my feelings about the dishearfening online dating plays fast and loose with your emotions. These people are relatively undamaged and sane, without many skeletons in their cupboards. Some of them are model-like in their beauty, rapier-like in their wit or both.
All of them have approached internet dating with the most honourable of intentions: They'd just like somebody, but somebody hasn't dating is disheartening up. The search for love in any context is a lottery, of course. The odds are stacked Disehartening against us. What are the chances sisheartening two compatible people turning up in the same place at the same time?
Internet dating is meant to tip those odds in our favour — and it can work, of course it can. But the people I've spoken to who've been bruised by it are unanimous as to why that happened. They believe it's a problem inherent to the process. So if you're doing it, and you're feeling down, don't worry. Well, it might be. But it most likely isn't. Internet dating is disheartening pivots around profiles; lists of attributes, paragraphs where you attempt to make yourself sound appealing, a handful of flattering photographs.
But there's already a problem. Dozens of books and websites offer advice on how to write profiles; third-party services even charge 40 quid to save you the bother. As a result, the uniformity is hilarious. Everyone loves travelling, particularly to Machu Picchu — which, if the profiles are to be believed, is an Inca site swarming with thousands dxting backpacking singletons. Men are singularly obsessed dating is disheartening skiing.
All of us love dating is disheartening curl up on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a DVD or a VD, as one unfortunately misspelled profile said. The vernacular of online dating makes everyone sound the same. Rather than reflecting what we're like, it reflects what we think other people want — because we're trying to appeal to as many people as possible. Men will lie about their height, men and women will lie about their age, some people even upload photos of other dating is disheartening and pretend it's them.
It doesn't correlate with real life. And once you realise this, internet dating suddenly feels as random as approaching strangers in a car park and asking them if they fancy you. Which, believe me, is never a good idea. Searching for a partner online has inevitable similarities to searching for a product.
Computer algorithms have the herculean task of returning a perfect match from its database based on our own vaguely truthful submissions, and such copper-bottomed compatibility guarantees as whether both parties are fond of cats. Our natural impulse, encouraged by the way these websites work, is dating is disheartening seek people who like the same things as us. But while I wouldn't want to date someone who gets a kick out of attending far-right political rallies, it's certainly true that opposites can attract.
I went out with a wonderful woman for seven years who loved Barbra Streisand. I dishearteningg stand Babs. In a relationship these kind of things aren't an issue, but internet dating makes them into one. After all, when I meet someone in real life that I like, I tend not to say, "Hi, I'm Rhodri, and here's a list of food I don't like eating. But we're dating is disheartening to filter the mass of dating is disheartening datees, and we do it savagely.
We start to adopt a power-shopping mentality, disregarding people for arbitrary reasons; as my friend Sam put it, we cruise past people's pictures as if they're caravans in Daltons Weekly. While a service might lure you with a strapline saying "Meet sexy singles in your area", the truth is more like, "Reject perfectly decent singles in your area while waiting for the maddeningly elusive sexy ones. In a thoughtful moment, you might even realise there are people you've had relationships with in the past who, if they appeared as an online match, you might reject.
And when you're the one being rejected, it can hurt. You join thinking you'll be nice and civilised and honest with people, but once people don't reply to your emails, you start doing the same to other people. Rejection may be a strong word to use. It doesn't dating is disheartening the horror of being told by a partner that they don't dating is disheartening you any more. But despite our inclination to present ourselves as optimistic — verging on an dishearhening deranged bubbliness, in some cases — we enter the process on the back foot.
We're not part of a couple, and we may have hang-ups about our attractiveness. Suddenly, datiing unreciprocated gesture hurts way more than it should. Unreplied-to messages sit in the "sent" folder as a grim reminder of your failure to connect with someone, almost prompting you to fire off another message saying "What's the problem?